DISTANT FUTURE MONTH #4: Warhammer 40,000, by Rick Priestley (1987)

Type of Media: Tabletop Wargame

“In the grim darkness of the far future, there is only war.” That is the tagline for Warhammer 40,000, a franchise that takes dystopian sci-fi and amps it up to ludicrous, teeth-bearing proportions. It is a pessimistic and ultra-violent vision of the future drawn with a thick layer of humor and irony, and its popularity has allowed it to expand from a line of gaming miniatures to video games, books, and board games.

Set in the 41st millennium, Warhammer 40,000 is about a universe in never ending conflict. Mankind now controls over a million worlds and is beset on all sides by savage Space Orks, ravenous Tyranid, and mysterious Eldar. To travel quickly through space they use the Warp, a hellish dimension of demons ruled by the destructive forces of Chaos that provides yet another source of antagonism. New threats to humanity constantly pop up, and the Imperium of Man, as well as their genetically-engineered super soldiers the Space Marines, are quite effective at shutting them down.

However, that’s not to say that humans are the good guys here. On the contrary, they’re xenophobic religious fanatics who eschew progress in favor of superstition and mysticism. They worship the God-Emperor of Mankind, a powerful psychic in a vegetative state who once tried to lead the Imperium into an age of secular enlightenment and prosperity, but who now sits rotting on a golden throne as the cultists who venerate him distort his teachings because of their own fear. The Imperium is powerful, but it could be so much stronger and have way fewer enemies if it hadn't backslid into ignorance.

Despite the darkness, Warhammer 40,000 is actually quite a fun setting because it embraces its excessiveness. The Imperium openly advocates being small-minded, hateful, and utterly convicted, blasting out propaganda to the trillions of Imperial citizens who dwell on uber-dense Hive Worlds and live in utter poverty. Space Orks are comically stupid, but that stupidity is enforced by their unrealized psychic power (as an example, Space Orks believe cars go faster if they’re painted red. Sure enough, scientific testing shows the red Space Ork cars are faster than non-red ones). Space Marine chapters actively seek out murderous psychopaths as prime candidates, and part of their conditioning involves implanting 19 additional organs into their bodies to give them powers like acid spit and aquatic breathing. 

This recommendation is a bit different from others because, honestly, I cannot in good conscious recommend you start playing the tabletop game. Warhammer 40,000 is notorious for being very expensive, with models alone running at least $100 for a small starting army. That’s before you factor in the costs of modeling equipment, paints, and the various codexes Warhammer’s publishing company Games Workshop puts out, all of which are exorbitantly priced. If you want to play a tabletop game, there are just better options. The X-Wing Miniatures game is great and cheap to get into, and if you want to be able to paint and customize your figures then Infinity is a more modern option.

However, Warhammer 40,000 is just too entertaining to ignore, and luckily there are other media set in its universe. The Dawn of War PC game series is really fun if you like strategy games, and Space Marine is a good third-person shooter with a decent multiplayer mode. I’ve heard good things about Dark Heresy, the tabletop RPG based on Warhammer 40,000, and the board game Forbidden Stars is supposed to be pretty amazing. Whatever form interests you, I urge you to check out something related to Warhammer 40,000.